SO many stories to
say, but cannot start to have one. How to start with is my dilemma. I love to
write but I know that I don't have talent, not even a blood of a poet runs thru
my veins. Only my ancestor will say so (lola lolo are you one?). At any
point, it satisfies me doing this, some sort of an outlet should I say.
So many things in
mind, feelings to share, emotions to unveil, anger to let go. But most of the
time, I would love to write when I feel so low. During my down moments, my mind
has so many things to say, but my mouth won't share. No guitar to strum,
hand cannot scribble a pen to do some homework.
I have this
feeling that I want to let go, it’s something that I kept for myself because I
am not the person who does not let anyone knows how I really feel. Though my
Mom says, my eyes speak the inner of my soul.
That made me realize that mother really feels what her child feels. I miss my Mom though I am not so open with my
feelings. Her mere presence gives me
some relief. I love you Mommy!
I only share my
feelings with the One I trusted most and my kids. They are the ones who use to see me cry. My kids are the one who give me strength to
fight life and to move on with all the trials that I have been through, and I
am going through. They made my life so
complete. They showed me love. I can proudly say that they are growing up
the way I wanted them to be because I prayed so hard for it. When I am still young, watching parents taking
care of their kids, I fear of how could I possibly raise my own. It is how to mold
them to be a better person, to think critically of things around. At their young age they were able to cope with
the situation that I put them into. They
understand what we’ve been through.
Though I am far away, I am confident because of the guidance God is
giving them, to whom I have entrusted their safety. Life away from them is not that easy. Not a
day passed without them in my mind. I
miss them so much they are the ones who can fill the emptiness I felt inside.
I am not a perfect
mother, but I did my best to show them love they need, I gave them life for them to enjoy. I gave them freedom to say what they
feel. I let them think from what is
right from wrong. I can never do this
alone without the guidance of the Most High.
I teach them how to use the “Direct Line” the line to whom they can
trust, the line where they can find the strength for their day-to-day life, the
line that can never be cut by anyone.
I did not push
them to have a regular chat with me because I understand how difficult it will
be for them to hear my voice, to see me on webcam. I will only make their lives miserable. They grew up with me always at their
side. They are happy simply knowing I am
around. They will just sleep beside me
or wait till I wake up and have some giggles and fun. Now in a few days or so, I
will be able to hug and kiss them again. I miss my kids so much! I love you
more than you ever know.
